from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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