just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
