do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
