He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
