what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
