I bet he comes in French.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
