I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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