Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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