Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Randomize
