Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
