I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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