thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
