I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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