I got chris browned last night
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
