Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
