I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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