new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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