just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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