I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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