but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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