If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
