I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am naked and annoyed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
