Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
