I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sext me about skeletons
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
