yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
