just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
