I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
