dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
