whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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