Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
