I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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