Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
