just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm at about main and main street
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
