Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
