that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
