I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
