so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
