He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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