mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
