i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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