hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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