She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
