i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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