mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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