And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
