I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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