Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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