she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
