Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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