She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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