Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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