so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
