Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
