You're so nebulous sometimes
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
