hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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