Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
