My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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