Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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