WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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