hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
