Apparently you make a good broom.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
