I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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