Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
