im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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