Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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