so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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