I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
