she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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