If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
