Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
