If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
