Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
