based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Alive.
So much puke
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
