Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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