I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
