I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
