I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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