The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
